Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Darkness
I don't know how much longer I can last.
What will kill me first?
The intricate torture by my captor or the loneliness?
What will kill me first?
The intricate torture by my captor or the loneliness?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Trapped
I think it's been days... I don't know where I am, my hands are bound, and the only item in the room is a tallow candle that barely penetrates the darkness. I can't help but look directly into the flame, which forces me blind everywhere else.
I didn't come here willingly, oh no. I finally had a free moment at the cafe without anyone over my shoulder. I was happy, smiling actually for the first time in ages, when the demon Imri sauntered in. He knew I was in the cafe, he looked directly at me as he entered, and within seconds, he casually sat at my table.
I couldn't look him in the eye, the same candy purple that Zillah now possessed. Noticing that I wasn't going to acknowledge him, he started purring sweet nothings, inching closer to my ear. Something in his voice held me still, paralyzed to the little cafe chair, and unfortunately, no other patrons were even looking in our direction. I couldn't help but tense as he whispered and giggled how ecstatic he was to find me alone. He slid his way behind me, tracing my frozen shoulders with a meticulously clipped fingernail and chimed, 'Now you're mine!' A cloth drenched in god-knows-what found it's way over my mouth. It's funny how your instant reaction when something like that happens is to breathe in deeply... if only I had held my breath. Losing conciousness at that point was the easiest thing I've ever done...
So now I'm in this perfectly dark room. I've no visitors but little scufflings of rodents in the ceiling beams.
How the hell did this happen?
How the hell am I going to get out of this one?
I didn't come here willingly, oh no. I finally had a free moment at the cafe without anyone over my shoulder. I was happy, smiling actually for the first time in ages, when the demon Imri sauntered in. He knew I was in the cafe, he looked directly at me as he entered, and within seconds, he casually sat at my table.
I couldn't look him in the eye, the same candy purple that Zillah now possessed. Noticing that I wasn't going to acknowledge him, he started purring sweet nothings, inching closer to my ear. Something in his voice held me still, paralyzed to the little cafe chair, and unfortunately, no other patrons were even looking in our direction. I couldn't help but tense as he whispered and giggled how ecstatic he was to find me alone. He slid his way behind me, tracing my frozen shoulders with a meticulously clipped fingernail and chimed, 'Now you're mine!' A cloth drenched in god-knows-what found it's way over my mouth. It's funny how your instant reaction when something like that happens is to breathe in deeply... if only I had held my breath. Losing conciousness at that point was the easiest thing I've ever done...
So now I'm in this perfectly dark room. I've no visitors but little scufflings of rodents in the ceiling beams.
How the hell did this happen?
How the hell am I going to get out of this one?
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Changing the misery
"Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it." -- Russell Baker
In a moment of weakness I went back to the Townhouse with Zillah. He's convinced me that the threat on my life is real, and that he won't give up on keeping me in his sights. Which is better... freedom of the streets with imminent doom, or captivity with a bathtub, with a lessened threat of doom?
The first night was awkward. He assured me that I'd have my old room, and he would stay outside the door. Not even an hour later, he pawed at the door wanting in. When he finally passed out in the doorway, I snuck back out to get some coffee. It's funny how he thinks the new bars on the windows will keep anything out... or let anything out. Yesterday, the look of loathing wasn't as consuming on his face, and he offered to take me to the Cafe in Paris. I was still very much upset with him, trying to ignore his obvious attention in my direction. But we all know how he is, turning on the charm. This man really does get any thing he wants, doesn't he? We made our way back to the Townhouse, where he insisted he'll be my protector. Maybe he does have a soft spot for me in his little black heart. Maybe...
But I'm over this drama. I took advantage of the bathtub, and he thought it was time to take advantage of me. I didn't quite stop him...
Did I really want to?
In a moment of weakness I went back to the Townhouse with Zillah. He's convinced me that the threat on my life is real, and that he won't give up on keeping me in his sights. Which is better... freedom of the streets with imminent doom, or captivity with a bathtub, with a lessened threat of doom?
The first night was awkward. He assured me that I'd have my old room, and he would stay outside the door. Not even an hour later, he pawed at the door wanting in. When he finally passed out in the doorway, I snuck back out to get some coffee. It's funny how he thinks the new bars on the windows will keep anything out... or let anything out. Yesterday, the look of loathing wasn't as consuming on his face, and he offered to take me to the Cafe in Paris. I was still very much upset with him, trying to ignore his obvious attention in my direction. But we all know how he is, turning on the charm. This man really does get any thing he wants, doesn't he? We made our way back to the Townhouse, where he insisted he'll be my protector. Maybe he does have a soft spot for me in his little black heart. Maybe...
But I'm over this drama. I took advantage of the bathtub, and he thought it was time to take advantage of me. I didn't quite stop him...
Did I really want to?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Why won't anyone leave me alone?
Doesn't everyone know that I don't give a shit what's happening? All these little kids keep lurking and scampering around me, trying to give me advice. What kind of advice can a 6 year old give, really? I'm not asking, looking, or even putting a face on that says, 'Give me advice, my life is in ruins!' It's just messed up that everyone thinks they know best.
Moris Ravenswick tried explaining to me last week that the best way to torture Zillah was to be with him. What a joke. This man shares the same pain as me, knowing that his significant other will always fall into the arms of another... who happens to be my ex-significant other. I'm not going to fuel that fire. Even that little brat Maharet, who has never paid attention to me a day in her spoiled little life, attempted to cheer me up. Then all these other kids... kids who have names I can't even pronounce. What kind of parents would name their kids something unpronounceable? Bloody hell.
And just when I'm trying to disconnect myself from the world, the Zillahjerkface stalks me again. Can we just cut ties and move on? Can't I just nurse this broken heart, and attempt to get over it? Someone once told me the best way to get over someone is to get under someone... but I don't even get that chance when there's a Grey looming over my shoulder. It's never over with Zillah, though, he just doesn't know when enough is enough. He tried to butter me up, tried to get in close and show me his tears, but I didn't fall for it. When he saw I wasn't going to stay with him, he sneered and gave me an ultimatum. There was no excuse for that, no reason that I should be forced into a decision, so I left.
Of course seeing Zillah Grey always stabs a sore spot in my heart. But I also know now from all of these experiences that the vicious cycle will only break my heart over and over again. That no matter what efforts and pains I put into being supportive and making him happy, he will turn on me at the drop of a dime, and never understand why I feel the way I do.
So when Imri found me in the Cafe yesterday, I was quite indifferent. I was commiserating over a cup of coffee, and he flowed in, all smiles, as if the last time I saw those purple eyes, they weren't furrowed with intent to rape me. But I didn't care as he immediately tried to seduce me with his drama. He claimed we had the same enemies. Seriously, does no one know me at all? I don't have anyone, let alone any enemies. I wasn't taking his shit, either, so I left the confines of my comfortable cafe, not giving the demon an ounce of ammunition to work with.
Why don't people see I don't need their drama? Let me just get over all of this, and maybe.. just maybe I'll be the same ole gypsy girl from years past.
yeah, right.
"You took me for a ride,
You took me for all the other fools in your life.
Now I don't care about your pain anymore."
~Vast
You took me for all the other fools in your life.
Now I don't care about your pain anymore."
~Vast
Doesn't everyone know that I don't give a shit what's happening? All these little kids keep lurking and scampering around me, trying to give me advice. What kind of advice can a 6 year old give, really? I'm not asking, looking, or even putting a face on that says, 'Give me advice, my life is in ruins!' It's just messed up that everyone thinks they know best.
Moris Ravenswick tried explaining to me last week that the best way to torture Zillah was to be with him. What a joke. This man shares the same pain as me, knowing that his significant other will always fall into the arms of another... who happens to be my ex-significant other. I'm not going to fuel that fire. Even that little brat Maharet, who has never paid attention to me a day in her spoiled little life, attempted to cheer me up. Then all these other kids... kids who have names I can't even pronounce. What kind of parents would name their kids something unpronounceable? Bloody hell.
And just when I'm trying to disconnect myself from the world, the Zillahjerkface stalks me again. Can we just cut ties and move on? Can't I just nurse this broken heart, and attempt to get over it? Someone once told me the best way to get over someone is to get under someone... but I don't even get that chance when there's a Grey looming over my shoulder. It's never over with Zillah, though, he just doesn't know when enough is enough. He tried to butter me up, tried to get in close and show me his tears, but I didn't fall for it. When he saw I wasn't going to stay with him, he sneered and gave me an ultimatum. There was no excuse for that, no reason that I should be forced into a decision, so I left.
Of course seeing Zillah Grey always stabs a sore spot in my heart. But I also know now from all of these experiences that the vicious cycle will only break my heart over and over again. That no matter what efforts and pains I put into being supportive and making him happy, he will turn on me at the drop of a dime, and never understand why I feel the way I do.
So when Imri found me in the Cafe yesterday, I was quite indifferent. I was commiserating over a cup of coffee, and he flowed in, all smiles, as if the last time I saw those purple eyes, they weren't furrowed with intent to rape me. But I didn't care as he immediately tried to seduce me with his drama. He claimed we had the same enemies. Seriously, does no one know me at all? I don't have anyone, let alone any enemies. I wasn't taking his shit, either, so I left the confines of my comfortable cafe, not giving the demon an ounce of ammunition to work with.
Why don't people see I don't need their drama? Let me just get over all of this, and maybe.. just maybe I'll be the same ole gypsy girl from years past.
yeah, right.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Set Fire to It All
Is it not better this way? He can have all that he's ever wanted that he claimed I took away. I even helped him erase traces that I even existed at the Townhouse. He thought me careless with his daughter in the house, but I saved her, actually. I tugged her along the streets until I saw a familiar face, shoved her off, and ran blindly until I couldn't walk anymore. Of course he doesn't understand, quick to accuse and call me names. All the efforts I put in these past few years.. wasted.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Lovely
It's all been so lovely. The Townhouse is transforming before my eyes. Everytime I visit (I'm not ready to call that place home), there are new things and new decorations. Ameera lives there now, too, and I've decided I'm never going into her room again. Ever.
Since I'm not too fond of the Townhouse (the only reason I'm there is for privacy), and I'm not really allowed at the warehouse, I've been sneaking into the Rhyme. I can't really get in, only as far as the drive, but it's the closest I can get. I don't know what keeps bringing me back there, but it pulls me in like a magnet. It's a great place to nap and hide from the world, the new owner doesn't even know I exist.
Honestly... I haven't been feeling well. Everything has been going so nicely on the outside that if I stopped smiling, it would be obvious. His face is haunting me in my dreams, buried under the murky water of the Thames, eyes dulled out and staring, accusing. I thought I could handle this. I must keep my cool. I've woken up several times with intense stomach pain, and haven't really been interested in food. No, it's not that. *eyeroll* Maybe I should see a doctor.
Since I'm not too fond of the Townhouse (the only reason I'm there is for privacy), and I'm not really allowed at the warehouse, I've been sneaking into the Rhyme. I can't really get in, only as far as the drive, but it's the closest I can get. I don't know what keeps bringing me back there, but it pulls me in like a magnet. It's a great place to nap and hide from the world, the new owner doesn't even know I exist.
Honestly... I haven't been feeling well. Everything has been going so nicely on the outside that if I stopped smiling, it would be obvious. His face is haunting me in my dreams, buried under the murky water of the Thames, eyes dulled out and staring, accusing. I thought I could handle this. I must keep my cool. I've woken up several times with intense stomach pain, and haven't really been interested in food. No, it's not that. *eyeroll* Maybe I should see a doctor.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
The Weight
I've dreamt about it a few times, knocking him out when he was most vulnerable and not paying attention. It was almost too easy, as Zillah lay there in a daze, and the Professor stunned from the spell he just cast. I hit him over his head with his own case, and it instantly brought him to the floor.
I stepped to my lover, still laying on the surgical table, traced his face gently, and overode the Professor's touch with a kiss of my own. Looking back down at the barely breathing body of the Professor, I sighed and cast a spell that would help me drag him out of the Warehouse.
The London fog was in my favor, as it hid the awkward sight of me lugging him along, and the scratchy drag of his dead weight on the cobblestones. He went over the edge of the docks easily, welcoming the cold waves with an outreached embrace. I watched for a moment, making sure the current took him til he was a speck, and turned back toward the warehouse.
Zillah must never know of this. He would never understand.
Good riddance, Professor.
I stepped to my lover, still laying on the surgical table, traced his face gently, and overode the Professor's touch with a kiss of my own. Looking back down at the barely breathing body of the Professor, I sighed and cast a spell that would help me drag him out of the Warehouse.
The London fog was in my favor, as it hid the awkward sight of me lugging him along, and the scratchy drag of his dead weight on the cobblestones. He went over the edge of the docks easily, welcoming the cold waves with an outreached embrace. I watched for a moment, making sure the current took him til he was a speck, and turned back toward the warehouse.
Zillah must never know of this. He would never understand.
Good riddance, Professor.
